Wednesday, 13 May 2015

New Beginnings


Happy New Year!! Okay, so I may be a little late, but I have good reasons I promise. Some of you may have noticed I recently went AWOL and might be wondering why. (unless you've forgotten all about me, in which case I completely understand!) On the first of December I had big plans for this blog and my YouTube channel. Daily Christmas vlogs & beauty advent calender reviews were on the agenda and I was all ready to crack on with some serious blogging. However I merely made it past day 1. I recorded a lot of footage over the festive period, but I was never 100% happy with it. It all seemed a little mished mashed and this is also when I began to feel self conscious in front of the camera.

My anxiety & panic attacks became worse and I was feeling rotten, never in the mood to vlog about what a terrible time I was having. My boyfriend had recently been in a car accident and that was clearly playing on my mind. He was absolutely fine by the way, but you can't help over thinking all the would haves & could haves. I decided it was time to put the camera and the laptop away and focus on living my life & being happy. So I did. I tried to adapt a much more healthy diet and even started doing a bit of daily exercise. I then decided it was time for an even bigger change. It was time to leave home.

 As someone who has suffered from depression & anxiety for a very long time, the thought of change absolutely terrified me. My mum has always been the one I go to during a particularly sad or anxious time, so the thought of not being in my "safe place" with people who know how to help me deal with daily panic attacks, frightened me to the core. All the more reason to do it, I thought to myself. So when my boyfriend Simon suggested moving in together I decided to bite the bullet and get over my fears. And let me tell you, I am so glad that I did. I feel so much better for pushing myself and giving myself the independence I'd always craved. Sure the first night I bawled like a baby and didn't know how I would survive the night, but when I got my sh*t together I realised it wasn't so bad . I live a 5 minute drive from my mum and with the most caring boyfriend in the world. He will literally do anything to make sure I feel completely happy, safe & comfortable and knows exactly how to help me through a panic attack should one rear its ugly head. 

I'm so happy that I made this change. I hope that anyone who may be in a similar position as me can give themselves that kick up the bum and make a change too. Because I know just how scary it is. Feeling stuck in a routine that you're not particularly happy in because you're afraid of the unknown. But it's okay to be scared. Its normal. And it may just be the best thing you've done.

So there you go, that's where I've been. Along with the stresses of moving I've also had about 5 colds and 3 chest infections this year (my immune system seriously sucks) and a lot of the usual family engagements I have been a very busy bee. Fortunately, now that I'm settled in to my new home & the internet is finally being installed this week (hurrah, I can return from the stone age) I will be blogging a lot more. So watch out for some new beauty tips, reviews and obviously lots of Lush posts! I also want to start writing and even videoing more important issues. Since feeling like I've matured a lot recently I've decided it's just as important to address issues such as sex, politics, health & relationships. As much as I love reviewing new beauty products I also think it's good to mix it up a bit, so you will be seeing a wider range of posts in the not too distant future.

I hope all you wonderful people are well and are embracing 2015 with a smile. 

x

1 comment:

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